"The reason my dad let me come here is that he wants me to steal Cid's virus, and if I don't get it for him, he's going to kill you." Harry's voice was a rough whisper, but Antonin heard every word.
This wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected the revelation of some dreadful abuse, something even worse than what he already knew about. But not this. He sat up. "What?"
Harry gave him a look imploring Antonin not to make him say it again. His face was red from frostbite and exposure. His jaw worked as he tried to force the words out one more time.
"No, I heard you," Antonin said hastily. "I heard you, it's just..."
Harry sighed and sagged back against the wall. He put his face in his hands. It hurt Antonin to see how defeated he looked. His voice was low, with that wooden quality like when he'd told Antonin why he wasn't a hero. "I think it’s the reason he put me in St. Bart's to begin with, and why he didn't yank me out when we got into that fight with Marcus. He's been planning this all along."
Antonin swallowed. "When did you know?"
"He called me the day before we left to come here. That's when he told me." He wrapped his arms tight around his chest and stared at Antonin with sullen anger and shame. "So now you know. I'm not really your friend. I'm a spy, a thief. I don't deserve any of this." Something worked silently in his face and Antonin steeled himself for an outburst, but Harry just bowed his head and fell silent, apparently awaiting Antonin's rebuke.
Antonin's heart pounded with the injustice of it. Harry was beautiful, he was strong and brave and funny and probably smart if he'd just stop cutting himself down for five seconds. But he couldn't. Because that fuckwad of a father of his wouldn't let him. Who did this guy think he was?
Antonin swallowed. Feeling as if he was about to put his head in a lion's mouth, he scooted forward and put one hand on each side of Harry's face. "Harry. Harry, look at me."
He did, and Antonin almost wished he hadn't insisted, because the look of fear and pain in his eyes was a terrible thing, like a wounded animal that knows it can't fight any more, waiting for the final attack. "Listen to me. This isn't your fault. You deserve every good thing the world has to offer. And you are so my friend. You never would have told me about this if you weren't."
Harry blinked. Antonin could see him trying to believe it, but no dice. He shook himself free of Antonin's hands and eyes and he turned to sit on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees. As he spoke he clenched and unclenched his clasped fists. "I shouldn't have. It doesn't change anything. I still have to do it. If I don’t get Cid's virus for him he's going to kill you, Antonin. He means what he says. You've got to believe that. The best thing is for me to just do what I have to do and get out of your life." He nodded his head. "When this is over, if he lets me go back to St. Bart's, I'll ask for a room transfer. You won't have to see me again."
Antonin sighed in frustration and sank his head into his hands. "Cut it out." It came out as a growl. Antonin looked up to see Harry staring at him in confusion. "I'm not mad at you. Nobody's going to be mad at you."
"Your mom--"
"Yeah, well you'll be in good company. Don't worry about her. This isn't your fault so stop acting like it is. And forget about going through with it. I won't let you. Think about what you said. If he lets you go back to St. Bart's. What's the other if, Harry? If he keeps you locked up in the basement again? No way. It's not happening. I won't have it. You're not alone anymore. You're just going to have to get used to that."
"Then you're going to die." Harry stood up and started pacing the room in quick, jerky strides. He lifted his hands and ran stiff fingers through his hair. "Oh my god, why did I ever tell you about this?" His voice shook. "I never should have done that." He made one more circuit of the room and then came to a stop in front of Antonin, glaring, his arms stiff at his sides, his hands clenched into fists. "You can either help me get the virus, or you can get out of my way. Don't try to stop me. I don't want to hurt you but I will, do you understand? I'm not going to let him kill you too."
Listening to Harry threaten him in an effort to keep him safe from the supposedly all-powerful machinations of his evil father was just too much for Antonin. He understood why Harry thought his father could do anything, but that didn't mean it was true. It was ridiculous. "Oh for crying out loud," he snapped. "What's he going to do, send a team of ninjas to assassinate me?"
Harry's nostrils flared. "Maybe. More likely you'll have an accident. The plane you take back to St. Bart's will go down, or your car will go off a cliff. You'll come down with some fast-acting fatal disease. Or you'll just disappear."
The way his mother had. Antonin grasped just what an effective threat Harry's dad had used. "You're forgetting something. My family is not going to let anything happen to me. And believe me when I tell you they know how to deal with shit like this. My aunt Magnolia, my uncle Tumcari, my mom, they've all survived really bad stuff, Harry. You don't know how ruthless they can be. I know your dad's a badass, but he's going to be in a world of hurt when they find out about this."
He saw Harry hesitate. Was that hope skittering around the edges of his expression? Antonin went on. "As I see it, nothing's really changed. The stakes are a little higher now--"
"A little? Are you nuts?"
"All we have to do is stick to our plan. Magnolia will kill him for sure now."
Harry shook his head. "She'd have to do it before holiday break is over. A hit on the Old Man will take a lot of planning if it's going to work. There's not much time."
His use of the word 'much' told Antonin that Harry was willing to be convinced. He stood up and moved closer, and Harry let him. "We'll think of something, I promise. It's going to be okay." Antonin put his hands on Harry's shoulders. Beneath his shirt his muscles were drawn tight as wire. Antonin looked up into his worried face, putting all his conviction into his gaze, willing Harry to believe him. "Nobody's going to hurt me, Harry. And no one's going to hurt you again either. You're safe now. Understand?"
He wasn't sure Harry believed him, but his expression changed, softening from belligerent anxiety to wonder, sadness and affection. "You never should have been so nice to me, Antonin. None of this would have happened if you hadn't been so..." Harry trailed off, staring at him with a hopeless yearning that made Antonin want to scream in frustration, I'm right here! For fuck's sake just kiss me already!
"It's all my fault, then," Antonin murmured, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and pulling him closer. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve this," he said, and suddenly Harry's arms came up and around him, holding him tight, lifting him up, and Harry bent his head and softly touched his lips to Antonin's.
The sweetness of it went straight to Antonin's heart and then made a beeline for his crotch. He opened his mouth wider and wrapped his legs around Harry's hips.
#
Harry knew Antonin was wrong. He knew his father could strike, invisibly, at any moment, but he so desperately wanted to believe what Antonin told him, he just let himself. And then the next thing he knew, Antonin was in his arms and they were kissing again. It was even better than the time before. Antonin knew now. He knew what Harry was, what he'd been sent to do and he still didn't care. They should wait, Harry thought as Antonin wrapped his legs around his hips and Harry clutched Antonin's perfect ass, holding him tight against him. If they were going to do this, they should wait until they told the rest of Antonin's family about the threat. He could feel Antonin's cock pushed up next to his, a burning brand through two sets of clothing. He groaned and stumbled toward the bed.
He knelt and lowered Antonin onto the futon. His friend gazed up at Harry, his eyes dark, bottomless. Tiny lights danced inside them. Antonin's lips were red from kissing, his face was flushed. Hovering over him, his arms braced on either side of Antonin's head, Harry had never seen anything so beautiful before. Seemingly of their own volition, Harry's hips dipped down and thrust against Antonin's.
Antonin moaned and his hands flew to the hem of Harry's long-sleeve undershirt, pulling it up. Harry sat up and pulled it the rest of the way off and tossed it in a corner. Meanwhile, Antonin's nimble fingers had unbuttoned his own shirt and he was thrashing from side to side, trying to get his arms out. Harry's eyes rolled back in his head as the thrashing made Antonin's dick rub sideways across his, back and forth, back and forth. Don't come, dumbfuck, he scolded himself. He lifted his hips up and yanked on the sleeves of Antonin's shirt, freeing him. He kept his hips up as he ran his hand down Antonin's chest.
He'd seen him without a shirt before. He'd stolen glimpses of those rose-brown nipples, so flat and round. But now, with Antonin's breath heaving in and out, with the sweat standing out on his golden skin, it was... With a groan Harry bent down, fastening his mouth over one of those nipples as if he were drowning and it was his only source of air.
"Eeeee-aaaah!" Antonin made a sound like the wailing cry of a seabird. Harry froze. He'd never done anything with anyone before. He had no idea if he was doing this right or not. He started to pull back but Antonin grabbed his head with both hands and pressed it back down again. Oh, okay. That was a good noise, then.
Harry wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next, but Antonin didn't wait around for him to figure it out. While Harry continued to suck at his nipple for all he was worth, Antonin pulled Harry's long underwear down over his hips. Harry's erection bobbed as it came free of the waistband of the underwear. The air in the room felt cool against his heated flesh, until Antonin wrapped a hand around it and began stroking him up and down.
"Oh God!" Harry disengaged from Antonin's nipple at last and threw his head back. "God!"
"Help me get my pants off," said Antonin, his voice thready with urgency. His hand left Harry's penis, which pulsed longingly in its absence. Harry rose to his knees and got his own underwear the rest of the way off while Antonin undid the fly of his jeans. Antonin lifted his hips and Harry dragged the jeans down over them. The underwear -- striped boxers -- came part of the way with them, then snagged on Antonin's cock. Harry pulled the pants all the way off as Antonin wriggled his hips and shoved his underwear down to his thighs, and then Harry pulled those off as well.
Antonin's penis arched up from its dark nest of pubic hair, deep red, gently curving. Harry reached for it. He'd never felt anything so silky and warm. Antonin gasped and flexed his hips as Harry stroked his hand up and down the velvet skin, trying to do it just the way Antonin had done on him. One part of his brain couldn't get over that any of this was happening at all, but he had no time for that now. It was happening.
"Damn. Fuck. Shit." Antonin chanted a litany of filth as Harry kept on stroking him. Harry felt like master of the universe all of a sudden, more powerful than Captain Invincible, mightier than Two-Ton Tundra.
Antonin's breath hitched in his chest and suddenly he pushed himself up with his arms. He shifted forward, trying to straddle Harry's lap. Harry slid his heels out from under his butt and hauled Antonin up, clutching him tight, nestling their cocks together like the way they'd started out. Antonin wrapped his arms around Harry and kissed him hard.
Rockets were exploding from the base of Harry's spine all the way up to his brain as his hips pumped against Antonin's. Antonin broke off the kiss and fastened his mouth onto Harry's neck but Harry was almost past noticing anything except the building, aching want in his groin. He ran his hands up from Antonin's ass and over his back and shoulders. Antonin, still stuck to his neck like a limpet, reached up and grabbed one of Harry's hands, bringing it down between their bodies.
Harry cried out at the first touch of his and Antonin's fingers together, wrapping around both of their cocks. "God!"
Any doubts Harry had had about getting this right were gone now. There couldn't be any getting it wrong. The rhythm had hold of both of them and it wasn't letting go.
Together they squeezed and stroked and yes, this was it. This was the answer to the long-ignored question his dick had been asking ever since he first laid eyes on Antonin. Yes. The answer was yes. The answer was Antonin. Antonin, whose kiss was hot, and sweet as life now seemed to be. Antonin, whose skin was smooth and warm, precious as sunshine in winter. Antonin, who wanted him. Antonin, Antonin. "Antonin!"
"Fuck!"
They came together. Harry heard Antonin's ecstatic shout and then knew only the explosion of white light behind his own closed eyes, the glittering fragments spinning away and then the welcoming, warm nothingness wrapping around him, blank and dark and safe. He opened his eyes to find himself with his head draped over Antonin's shoulder, the side of his face against that dark silky hair.
They leaned against each other, panting, trembling. After a moment or two, Antonin took a deep, shuddery breath and sat back. Harry lifted his head and found Antonin gazing at him with drowsy contentment. There. Antonin was happy, and Harry had made him that way. It could no longer be said that he wasn't good for anything.
Antonin leaned forward and kissed him again, and then hugged him with his free arm. They were still holding their softening cocks between their interlaced fingers. Antonin laughed, lifting his and Harry's sticky hands up and examining them. He seemed to be delighted with the quantity of jizz they had produced and he squished their palms together like a little kid making mud pies.
Harry grinned and started laughing helplessly. Nothing in his life had prepared him for any of this, but least of all this utterly goofy, disgusting and intimate moment. White, he thought -- he was almost out of colors but surely this deserved one of the few that were left.
With a lurch, he realized he'd been right. They should have waited until after he told the rest of Antonin's family about the Old Man's threat. Because now, if things didn't go the way Antonin insisted they would, it would be so much harder to do whatever needed to be done. But -- hadn't he already let himself believe, as Antonin did, that everything would be okay? Was that not the version of reality he was now committed to? And didn't the Old Man always say that half-measures were for pussies? So, he'd made his choice, and he'd better stick to it now, and act accordingly, whether he had doubts or not. He nodded to himself.
Antonin picked up on his sudden change of mood and stared at him, a little frown turning down the corners of his beautiful mouth. "Harry?"
Harry smiled for him and pulled him close and kissed him, still blown away that he could just do that. And being able to keep on doing that was so, so worth fighting for. So. He sat back, giving Antonin's shoulder a squeeze. "Let's get everyone together."
#
All the way down to the greenhouse, Antonin held Harry's hand. If it weren't for that firm, warm grip, Harry wasn't sure he'd get farther than the top of the stairs. Despite all his grand resolve earlier, he was terrified. They were going to tell everybody everything. Antonin had intercommed Tumcari and Magnolia and told them to gather everyone together. They were all waiting for them in the greenhouse, including Cid and Rose.
He was nervous about seeing Cid again. He didn't know how he would react. On the one hand, he wanted to get to know her, but on the other, he knew why. He knew he was secretly hoping that she'd turn out to be just like his mom. But that was stupid. Antonin had explained to him about Rahul having a crush on his mom and making his robots look like her. Cid was not his mother. And she might be a nice person, and she might be nice to him, but to think that was the same thing as getting his mother back, that was just insane, and he knew in a hopeless kind of way that it was impossible for him to be sane about this.
But it was the thought of disclosing his secret mission to Rose that sent a wave of nausea through him every time he had it. Rose knew there was something wrong with him. She'd sensed it the moment he stepped through the door of Wotroya House. She had every reason to dislike him, and she did, but after she heard about the threat to Antonin, she'd hate him. Antonin had wanted to leave her out of their little conference all together, and Harry had almost agreed, but she was Antonin's mother. It wouldn't be right.
They reached the doors of the greenhouse and Antonin turned to him. "Ready?"
Harry swallowed. He wasn't ready. But that didn't matter. He'd crossed a line and there was no going back now. He nodded. Antonin squeezed his hand, and smiled at him, and opened the doors.
They were all on the patio. Tumcari leaned against the bank of the pond, and Rose sat at the picnic table. Magnolia shared a lounge chair near the pond with someone wearing a basket over her head, both of them sitting sideways on the chair, like it was a bench. The magazines scattered at their feet testified to the basket's original purpose.
When Antonin and Harry came into view, Rose stood up. "What's going on?" she said, her hard, bright eyes flicking back and forth between the two of them.
Harry gaped at her, and tried to remember how to speak, but Antonin squeezed his hand tighter and steered him right past her. They sat down on the bank of the pond, between Tumcari and Magnolia. Rose folded her arms and sat down again.
"How are you feeling, Harry?" Tumcari asked.
"Okay," he said folding his legs crosswise.
Magnolia leaned over and examined his face. "Frostbite doesn't look too bad. You're lucky."
That's right, it was just earlier today that he'd run out into the snow. It felt like that had happened days ago.
There was a moment where nobody said anything. Harry bent forward and peered at Cid, sitting on the other side of Magnolia with a basket on her head.
"She thought it might be easier for you, if you didn't have to look at her face," explained Magnolia. Cid raised one hand and gave him a little wave. The basket wobbled slightly, like a bobble-head.
All the tension inside Harry suddenly bubbled over and he started laughing hysterically. He covered his face with his hands, trying to stop. This was serious. He had to tell them some very bad news that at best would make them hate him and at worst they wouldn't believe, in which case Antonin would be in terrible, terrible danger. He couldn't stop laughing. The basket-bobble-head thing -- he couldn't remember seeing anything so funny in his whole life.
"Well, at least he's laughing," Magnolia said.
"I want to know what's so funny." said Rose.
"The situation does have its ironies," Tumcari pointed out.
Antonin grabbed his shoulder and shook him. "What are you doing?"
Harry shook his head and tried to get his breathing under control. He was very close to the dividing line between laughing and crying, and bawling would be even worse than what he was already doing. "I don't know. I’m sorry. It's just -- It's just--" Ah shit he was losing it again. "The basket..."
"Oh for crying out loud, take the goddamn basket off!" yelled Rose, "I told you it was a stupid idea."
Antonin put his arms around Harry and pulled him close. "I told you, it's going to be okay. Just tell them what you told me."
Tumcari put his hand on Harry's back. The weight of it seemed to steady his heartbeat a little bit. There was a rustle and a thunk as the basket landed on the patio. Harry looked up. Cid looked at him with his mother's face, and his mother's smile -- the sad one she used to give him when she knew he was unhappy.
That brought him back down to earth in a hurry. Harry rubbed at his eyes and took a deep breath. He kept his eyes on Cid's face, and he breathed again, and swallowed to ease the tightness in his throat. "The first thing you have to know is that my Old Man owns about half the planet." He glanced around. They looked skeptical. "No shit. He's incredibly wealthy and powerful and he can do anything he wants to anyone he wants."
"What's your father's name, Harry?" asked Cid.
"Richard Ygrasil."
"Not Fitzimmons? I thought your last name was Fitzimmons," said Rose.
"It is. I-- I didn't want his name. I took my mom's and he was happy to let me do it. Anyway, the thing is, any threats he makes, he can more than make good on."
Rose narrowed her eyes and looked at him like he was a poisonous snake curled around her son's neck. "What threats? What are you talking about?" she demanded.
"I believe he's getting to that," said Tumcari. "Take your time Harry. We're listening."
Harry glanced around at all of them. It was true. They were listening. Even Rose, who very nearly vibrated with tension, was listening.
"He wants me to steal Cid's virus, and if I don't get it for him, he's going to kill Antonin." The words fell out of his mouth like slime-covered rocks and he felt both cleaner and lighter without them. Behind him he heard Tumcari take a sharp, deep breath. The fingers resting on Harry's back curled into claws. Magnolia stared at him with a particularly focused concentration, taking in every detail of his posture and his proximity to Antonin. Cid stared at her knees.
The way Rose looked at him, he expected at any moment for her to leap on him and shove his head under the water. He wondered if Tumcari would help her hold him down. But that's not what happened. Rose stood, and she stalked to where Cid sat, still staring at her knees. "I told you to license that thing," said Rose.
Cid didn't answer.
Rose folded her arms. "A way to cheat death. Everyone would want it. We could have made millions of dollars. But no. Now Antonin is in danger and we're just going to have to give the thing away to this asshole."
"Oh, we're not giving it to him," said Cid, looking up at last. And this was one of those moments when Harry knew for sure Cid wasn't his mom, because his mom never could have had an expression of such calm determination on her face.
"Antonin, go stand next to your mother," Tumcari said in a low voice.
"But--" Antonin looked at Harry.
"Go, Antonin," said Tumcari, "She needs something to grab hold of besides Cid's neck."
Antonin got up and went to Rose. She wrapped one arm around him and pulled him back against her chest. She hooked her chin over Antonin's shoulder as she continued to glare at Cid. "I am not going to lose my son again. I'll find a way to make you if I have to," said Rose.
Magnolia stood up. Menace poured from every one of her tensed muscles. "No you won't."
The area around Rose's mouth went white. She released Antonin, and tried to push him behind her, but Antonin turned and put his arms on her shoulders, holding her back. "Mom!"
Rose looked at him. A tremulous smile broke through her rigid mask and tears spilled down her cheeks. She hugged Antonin tight, kissed him, and then gently disengaged his arms from around her neck. She stepped to one side and faced Cid again. "I don't think you understood me, Marselese. I won't let my son be murdered."
"Nothing is going to happen to Antonin!" Tumcari shouted. Harry just about fell back into the pond. He could be really loud when he wanted to. "We are going to deal with this, together, the Wotroya way. Now everybody sit down, stop arguing, and start thinking."
They all stared at him with identical expressions of shock. Harry was guessing Tumcari didn't raise his voice very often. Slowly, Magnolia returned to her seat. Antonin tugged at Rose's hand, trying to get her to go back to the picnic table, but she recovered from her momentary surprise and turned to Tumcari. "You of all people should be on my side on this. How can you possibly think that Miss Fancy Pants' high ideals are more important than Antonin's life?"
Tumcari nodded and lifted one hand in placation. "In the first place, I just want to point out that threatening Antonin is an excellent way to motivate Harry, but carrying out that threat would do nothing to bring Ygrasil closer to his goal. In the second place, I don't think giving Ygrasil the virus will make Antonin or any of us safe." He leaned even further onto the bank of the pond, his eyes boring into Rose's "Someone like this, once he's got hold of you... Think Rose. Think about the brothel. Did giving those people what they wanted ever make you free?"
She took a deep breath and Harry waited for the explosion, but instead Rose swallowed and blinked. She looked at her feet. "I see what you mean," she said quietly. For a moment, just an instant, she looked as small as she actually was. Then she looked up again and the fire was back in her eyes. She pulled Antonin close and wrapped her arms around him again. "We'll have to go into hiding then, someplace where no one can find us."
Antonin shook his head. "Mom--"
"This is the someplace no one can find you," Magnolia pointed out.
Harry took a deep breath and found his voice. "She's right. He'll find you wherever you go. He'll never give up."
Rose stared at him. Harry swallowed, panicking. Why had he opened his mouth? Why had he attracted her attention? "Are you making this shit up?" she accused.
"What? No!"
Antonin struggled free of her grip. "Mom! He's not making it up!"
She ignored her son, all the fury of her bottomless dark eyes focused on Harry. "Because if you are, then let me tell you something, mister, you've just signed your father's death warrant."
Harry couldn't suppress the happy little smile that came to his lips at those words.
Rose blinked.
"Now you're talking," said Magnolia. "We can't let this fuckwad get away with threatening Antonin."
"Yes," said Tumcari. "The question we should all be asking is 'What is the best way of wiping Richard Ygrasil off the face of the earth?'"
Harry's heart lifted up, up and up until it seemed to be floating above his head, raining sunshine down upon them all.
Copyright © 2009 by Anne Harris
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